How to Support Your Partner After Birth: A Complete Guide to Postpartum Care
Want to show up as best as you can for your growing family during the fourth trimester but don’t know where to start? Keep reading below to hear from a doulas perspective on how to be most helpful during this vulnerable season.
No two postpartum journeys are the same, even if this isn’t your first time around! It can be tough to be that grounding force for your expanding family at a time where there are so many moving pieces and sleep deprivation is at an all time high. As postpartum doulas, we have a unique opportunity to be hands-on in the most intimate and sacred times of a person’s family journey. Below, we’ve highlighted our top 5 most helpful tips that can transform your experience for not just your partner, but for yourself and your baby too!
5 most helpful tips to transform your partners postpartum experience
Mindset shift
Let’s be real - it can be hard to wrap your mind around the expectation of new parenthood versus the reality, which can oftentimes involve a lot less sleep and a lot more laundry than anticipated. Pause and take a moment to actively acknowledge that postpartum is a massive transformation, not just physically, but emotionally, neurologically, mentally, and environmentally. Imagine a close friend waking up from a coma that they were in for 9 months. While they are still themselves, there is a degree of “relearning” and adjustment that needs to happen in order for the body to resume normal bodily mechanics and functions. Similarly, with pregnancy, it can take the body and mind quite some time to reconnect on the same page after giving birth - and this process does not happen overnight! Having this reminder actively present in your mind is a great way to enter the fourth trimester with compassion, openness, and patience, with the added understanding that every single birthing person is on their own unique healing journey and timeline.
Learn the difference between baby blues and postpartum mood disorders
There are many misconceptions about postpartum mental health and what can show up in recovery. While we know that each person's experience is different, there can also be overlap and commonalities in some of the emotions and feelings that often come to the surface in the fourth trimester. It’s important to keep in mind that if your partner had a previous history of mental health diagnoses or concerns, the likelihood of them having a more difficult time mentally during postpartum is greater, and there should be extra attentiveness to potential warning signs and behavior changes. With that being said, any birthing person (and partners too!) can develop postpartum mood disorder(s) at any point in the recovery period, and up to two years post-delivery. Learning the difference between baby blues and postpartum and being attuned to your partner's mental health can go a long way in being proactive with next steps for support.
Check out Postpartum Support International for information on signs, symptoms, and treatment of postpartum mood disorders HERE and take a look at their FAQ page to learn more about the difference between baby blues and PPD! You can also read more on our previous blog specifically covering baby blues VS PPD HERE!
Thinking about your upcoming fourth trimester and needing support? Grab our free Fourth Trimester Workbook and Guide below help along your journey!
Protect Sleep and Recovery!
While it's safe to assume that there will be fairly little sleep those first few weeks, sleep deprivation is not to be underestimated! For both parents, sleep deprivation can be a dangerous slippery slope that can lead to unfortunate consequences. As the birthing parent, there is an added layer of physical recovery that can make the recovery process quite complex, especially if breastfeeding is ongoing. Interestingly enough, there's a funny thing that can happen in the brain when a person is so newly postpartum. All of a sudden, feelings of guilt swarm to the surface, almost uncontrollably, when any type of self-care is attempted, including sleep! This can make it difficult for the postpartum nervous system to feel safe enough to sleep, as the body is adjusting to baby no longer being inside the body and therefore no longer “safe.” As a partner, it's crucial to reassure your significant other that their rest is just as important as baby’s, and that baby will be 100% safe and cared for while they rest. Keep in mind that sometimes, logic isn’t always welcome in the brain at this stage, and it may take a few prompts of reassurance and gentle cheerleading for your partner to finally take that step back, and it may take a few tries and that’s okay too! Work with close family and friends to ensure that there are pockets of support for your partner, so that you can also find your moments of rest and recharge as well.
Start the ball, and keep it rolling
Taking initiative in the fourth trimester is a phenomenal way to demonstrate your care and presence during this experience. Oftentimes, the birthing parent is working through many complex layered emotions and reflections due to the massive physiological shift, and the mind can be very active with frequent racing thoughts. This can make it challenging to pinpoint a starting point, and also bring up many feelings of shame and sadness at not being able to be more hands-on due to physical recovery limitations. While you may not always know where to start, picking a ball to start rolling and then keeping it rolling can be an enormous help and relief to the overloaded nervous system. Being actively engaged in diaper changes, mealtimes, sleep routines, laundry, caring for pets, managing errands etc, all create a sense of safety and security that helps the brain more accurately send signals to the body and aid in recovery.
Connect, connect, connect!
The postpartum paradox is real - it's a pocket of space where time does not exist, and yet moves so slowly and fast at the same time, and somehow feels like you are living the same day on repeat yet everyday is so different. Things may not quite look like how you expected, nor how they were before baby arrived earthside and that is okay! This is a big transition for the whole family, and growing pains are totally natural. While you may not be able to go out for that weekly date night or daily morning coffee run together, focusing on finding new, smaller moments of connection can bring a whole new layer of intimacy and connection. Practice pausing in times of discomfort and reframing the moment into an opportunity to bond and be present with one another. Remember that things may not return to “normal” for a while, and it may even be time to create a new version of that normal with your growing family.
While there will surely be some missteps along the way, we hope these tips help set you up with a foundational toolbox for this next chapter. We are always here for additional guidance, do not hesitate to contact us to explore our support offerings!
Wondering where to find a doula near you? Look no further! One Love provides comprehensive support for expectant and new parents in Tampa, St. Petersburg, Land O’ Lakes, Lakeland, Plant City, Downtown Tampa, and beyond.
Our services include Tampa doula support, day of doula, childbirth education, placenta encapsulation, in-home postpartum doula care, specialized lactation support by our CLC’s and IBCLC’s, and sleep training!
Plus, we offer virtual services to accommodate your needs. Let's embark on your amazing birth and postpartum journey together!
All with,